I'm sorry, I'm mad

It's like lighting a votive candle as a deterrence act.

It's like changing addresses to elude accusation.

It's like looking away, like hiding out and pretend it's not happening.

I'm sick of fighting my own personal big battles. War never started, I never geared myself up for it.

I'm holding the banner of understanding while developing anger and the lowest possible feelings.

I'll keep on selfishly hoping for justice but then I think if justice was a credit to be spent, there are way much fundamental causes out there, bigger battles to be won.

It's my own mistakes I'm mad at.

It's my always following the same pattern I'm mad at.

It's my not being creative enough to settle, to sort myself out I'm mad at.

It's me and the possibility of harming others I'm mad at.

It's the possibility of being it my fault I'm mad at.

... y hoy estoy enojada y negativa... y no está bien después de un agosto maravilloso.

And it's me posting this c**** after over a month of not posting I'm mad at!

Descubriendo un nuevo mundo

Caché

Tu étais où toutes ces années?

Recapitulando

Escribí algo para poner acá pero al final me di cuenta de que no es lo que quiero decir. Mientras como mi compota de manzanas en esta calurosa noche de Barcelona, me acordé de algo que escribí hace un tiempo y tengo ganas de volver a decir.

Entonces, recapitulando (Recordar sumaria y ordenadamente lo que por escrito o de palabra se ha manifestado con extensión.)

I've written something to post today but I finally realized it's not quite what I would like to say. So, while I eat my apple compote in this hot Barcelona night, I realized that something I wrote a long time ago it's pretty much what I would like to say again.

Recapitulating (To repeat, to relate in brief; to summarize.)

Good luck

I never quite understood what luck meant, the concept I mean. (...)

So after all, this Patagonian Heidi can consider herself pretty lucky. She was born in an Earthly Paradise to a loveful family. You take it from there.

I just got back home after a week in Paris. (...) 7 days to keep on saving up in my great bank account of happiness. And even though I have a very hard time saying goodbyes and I’m really bad in holding my tears, they wash out my heart from weird and mixed feelings and then it’s all clean and nice and it smells like joy and gratefulness.

The sadness from goodbyes goes away when I realize that the people and the places I love si fort come with me wherever I go. I even heard it from the airport bus driver’s mouth, he told me: “N’importe où tu vas, moi j’y vais” (“Wherever you go, I’ll go”)

(...)

But I still don’t get it, what’s good luck and if I’m really a lucky woman. If everybody gets what they deserve, what did I do to get this much?.

Good luck, blessings, de la chance... or whatever it is, out there there’s somebody/something that loves me very much.

Cacofonía

Oh tan sexy

tan sex y más

Tan tonto, tan torpe

Tan grande, tan niño

Tanto hombre, todo entero

Tantos pedazos, todos ricos

Tanto sexo

Tanta piel

Tanto arte

Tanta culpa

Tantas ganas

ganas fuertes

Tan seguro

tanto y nada

vos tan sexy.

Cacofonía: f. Disonancia que resulta de la inarmónica combinación de los elementos acústicos de la palabra. Efecto sonoro desagradable producido por la cercanía de sonidos o sílabas que poseen igual pronunciación dentro de una palabra o en palabras cercanas en el discurso.